Howcome?

They say I've gained a lot,
realizing my identity;
& probing into thoughts.
Still;
perhaps the truth hides itself,
& binds itself.
Embers remain,
body though destroyed.
Perhaps;
the pain go unfelt by the world,
But, she feels this and more;
& so,
she survives.
Thereafter, till eternity
holding deaths in her hands,
& unsurpassed guilt on her conscience;
Still, they say
I've gained a lot.